A Corking Good Tale - Leather you Believe it or Not!Bob, his name was; and he was a smooth stud - goldplated even - when he rolled into town. Occasionally, he got hammered, and then, inevitably, he was drunk and out of cash, or Hammered Baroque.
He liked to Hook and Hook up with Rosaline, and her old mum, Vintage Rose.
They used to go sailing, and one day while they were fishing amongst the Dark Red Coral for Lobster Claws and Partying Hearty, an idea came to him, straight out of the seafoam.
This idea is worth a mint, it's a natural, he thought to himself, it will carry me to the top, or my name's not Bob! They sailed back to the Warm Earth before the Sunset Orange had turned to Fiery Red. His gal wanted to go home, she was feeling like a Dusty Rose, but he said, "No, we've got to Saddle Up, I've had a corking good idea. It will knock you on your flat end, you'll be becharmed by it!"
"Oh puhleez. What are you talking about?" Rosaline replied, she wasn't feeling in the Indian Pink and she had a headache like she someone was tightening a 4 mm Plain Band around it.
"I'm going to cross a cow with a cork tree and make CORK LEATHER" he cried!
She looked at him, "Have you taken Leaf End of your senses? "No" - he said, "Listen, it's perfect. It will be soft and warm and natural like leather, but it will come from a tree - everyone will love it."
"But you can't cross a cow with a tree," she said, absolutely thunderstruck!
"If Swarovski can cross a Crystal with a Stalactite and make a Crystalactite, I don't see why I can't make Cork Leather!" he replied.
"You know," she said, looking at him, "Whatever it is you have, I'm sure they make an Awareness Ribbon for it."
And with that, she Needle-Filed for divorce and went off to work at the Leather Works.
But it's absolutely true - we have Cork Leather, a wonderful, soft, vegetarian answer to leather, and stalactite inspired crystal spears: Crystalactites. So there.
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